The More They Love You, The Faster They Run 🏃‍♂️

It’s one of the most painful relationship experiences: when someone you care about deeply pulls away just when things start getting real.

If they’re a dismissive avoidant (DA), this is a common—but heartbreaking—pattern. The more they feel for you, the more likely they are to run.

Here’s why it happens, what they really need (but won’t always admit), and what you should do if you’ve been left feeling confused or discarded.

Why They Run When They Actually Care Deeply

Dismissive avoidants are often emotionally shut down—not because they don’t have feelings, but because they’ve learned it’s not safe to feel them or express them.

Deep down, love feels threatening, even if they crave it. So when they start to fall for someone, especially someone emotionally available, it triggers deep fear and discomfort.

And just when things are going GREAT, they bolt , disappear and discard you.

Here’s what happens:

• They feel overwhelmed by the intensity of connection.

  
  

• They distance themselves—emotionally or physically.

  
  

• They may push you away or break things off suddenly, without clear explanation.

  
  

• They devalue the relationship gaslighting you as confrontational to protect themselves from the vulnerability love requires.

  
  

And ironically, instead of facing their fear, they often end up choosing “safe” partners—people they don’t truly love or feel deeply for, because it feels more controllable and less risky.

That kind of relationship lets them stay emotionally closed off but is ultimately massively unfulfilling.

What a Dismissive Avoidant Actually Needs

What they need isn’t more love from you—it’s therapy. Unless they work through their avoidant patterns, nothing will really change.

They need:

• Professional help to unpack their attachment wounds and emotional defenses.

  
  

• Time and self-awareness to learn how to safely connect with others.

  
  

• A partner they genuinely love, not just someone “safe” they can keep at arm’s length.

  
  

But they have to want that healing. And most importantly—you can't do it for them. So choose YOURSELF and move on!

If You’ve Been Discarded by a DA… Do This

Being pushed away by someone you love is heart wrenching. But it’s not about you being “too much”, confrontational or unworthy—it’s about them not knowing how to hold closeness.

Here’s how to take care of yourself:

• Don’t chase them—it won’t bring them back, and it will hurt you more.

  
  

• Don’t allow them to breadcrumb you- meaningless messages from them (to see if you’re still an option) will keep you trapped.

  
  

• Don’t take it personally—their emotional shutdown isn’t a reflection of your value.

  
  

• Let yourself grieve—this was real for you, even if they seem cold or detached.

  
  

• Understand your own attachment style—especially if you're anxious, this can help you stop repeating the same patterns and develop healthy boundaries.

  
  

• Focus on your own healing and growth—you deserve mutual, emotionally safe love.

  
  

Final Words

A dismissive avoidant may seem cold, but they often carry deep, buried pain. Still, it’s not your job to heal someone who runs from real connection.

You deserve someone who doesn’t shut down when things get real—someone who meets you with the same depth and openness you offer.

Choose yourself, choose healing, choose to protect your peace. And who knows, someone much better might just come along 😜

TR