Why Your Ex Will Use You to Get Over You

Being caught in the cycle of loving a dismissive avoidant is like living in constant whiplash. Just when things seem to be going well—when you think you’ve found safety, intimacy, and love—they pull away.

They don’t reject you because you’re unworthy. They reject you because real love feels too risky to them. Deep feelings terrify them. So they sabotage it. They discard the very person who they love most, only to breadcrumb their way back into your life with mixed signals, sudden “check-ins”, or late-night texts.

Paradoxically, the more they love you the faster they will discard you. They’ll end up staying with the one they don’t care so much for - you see, they’re all about risk management and emotional disconnection. Heads up to every DA - that ain’t real love 🙄.

Sometimes they’ll sleep with you, tell you you’re the “best kisser” or that you mean more than anyone—and then vanish again. It’s emotional torture, designed (consciously or not) to keep you hooked while they avoid facing themselves.

They are, in truth, some of the most dangerous people in society. Actors. Charmers. Radically unhealed cowards. They wear masks, but underneath, they are terrified of intimacy, ashamed of their own wounds, and unable to sustain the vulnerability love requires.

Here’s the reality:

• Their ghosting is not mystery—it’s immaturity.

• Their breadcrumbs are not love—they’re inconsistency.

• Their avoidance is not your fault—it’s their unhealed trauma.

You will likely never get the apology. They rarely self-reflect, and remorse does not come easily to them. So let them keep running, hiding behind partners they don’t love, burying themselves in avoidance until the weight of regret, shame, and loneliness finally forces them to face the mirror.

Because you were the mirror. You were important in their story—you reflected back what they could not bear to see. But that’s not your burden to carry. You are not responsible for their healing. Only they can choose that path, if they ever find the courage.

The way out for you is to reclaim your strength. To stop making their avoidance a story about your inadequacy. To see them for what they are, and to let them fall in your estimations until the spell is broken.

Once you do, you’re free.

You stop waiting for crumbs and start claiming the feast of your own worth. You make your so-called weakness your strength. And you finally understand that the most powerful thing you can do is to let them go.

Sooner or later, we all have to face ourselves. That’s their responsibility —not yours.

TR