Why Your Ex Freaked Out, Blocked and/or Ghosted You 👻

When an avoidant blocks you, it’s not because they don’t care.

It’s because they do.

They block you because they LOVE YOU and they don’t know how to live with that feeling.

Real love, real intimacy, real emotional connection lights something up inside them that they’ve spent a lifetime shutting down. And when that happens, fear takes over.

Avoidants don’t choose the person who ignites them.

They choose the person who feels “safe”because they don’t feel as much.

They choose the one who doesn’t challenge their emotional walls, the one who doesn’t ask for depth, honesty, vulnerability and growth. Passion and true intimacy feel like danger to someone who learned early that closeness leads to pain.

So they freak out, they block, they ghost 👻

They disappear.

They shut the door instead of facing what they feel.

It’s extreme cowardice and devastatingly painful to witness.

HOWEVER! This isn’t a reflection of your value. It’s the opposite.

You mattered too much. You touched something real in them—something they were never taught how to handle. Someone with emotional capacity doesn’t need to erase a person they cared about. They communicate, process, and heal. Avoidants avoid.

That’s why you won’t get closure from them. They’re not capable of it. Closure requires emotional access, honesty, and discomfort—and those are exactly the things they run from.

So you have to give closure to yourself, not because you failed, but because they can’t meet you there.

I feel genuine sadness for every partner they choose.

To be loved by someone who is emotionally invested elsewhere—even if unconsciously—is a lonely place to be. It’s a relationship built on safety, not truth. On comfort, not depth.

Meanwhile, you do the real work.

You sit with your fear of abandonment instead of running from it. You let it burn, you feel it fully, and you heal it. While they distract themselves with someone else and curate a life that looks fine from the outside, you choose honesty—with yourself and with your pain.

And that’s what sets you free.

Letting go of unhealed people isn’t giving up on love.

It’s choosing yourself.

They didn’t block you because you weren’t enough.

They blocked you because you were real. Because you were offering them the REAL thing. That’s why in the end it’s their loss. They lost the chance of true love. The lost you.

So do not internalise ghosting as a reflection of your value. Interpret it as a reflection of their cowardice, their unhealed wounds and they’re inability to confront themselves in therapy.

It’s funny - once you see it for what it is you let go completely. Because unhealed avoidants aren’t a match with you anymore - and you know that you deserve so much better!

TR