Your Avoidant Ex: Letting Go and Dating Again!

Loving an avoidant can change you. Not because the love wasn’t real—but because it was never fully held - by THEM!

At some point, a quiet truth settles in: you are no longer a match with your avoidant ex. The connection may have been intense, passionate, even meaningful. But love alone is not compatibility. And love without emotional safety eventually becomes exhaustion.

It’s a classic Sex and the City dynamic—Big and Carrie. The avoidant who keeps one foot out the door, and the anxious lover who keeps hoping this time will be different. Carrie should never have taken Big back—not because he was evil or incapable of love, but because he never healed. And neither did she.

But YOU have (or you are going to if you read all these posts!)

Avoidant partners don’t lack feelings; they lack the capacity to stay present with them. They freak out and run when intimacy deepens, dismiss when accountability is required, and retreat when real emotional work begins.

The tragedy isn’t that they don’t love—it’s that they can’t sustain it.

And when you finally step away, something profound happens.

You heal.

Healing changes your lens entirely. You stop romanticising inconsistency. You stop confusing longing with love. You stop waiting for someone to choose you while they’re still running from themselves.

You may notice your avoidant ex moving on, often with someone who doesn’t challenge them—someone who asks less, expects less, requires less emotional presence. This is someone they LOVE less: Far easier for an avoidant to be in a roommate dynamic than a real one!

From the outside, it might look like happiness. But what it really is… is familiarity. Avoidance choosing comfort over growth. Two egos coexisting and going through the motions - and that ain’t love!

It’s funny - once you realise what they’re doing you simply don’t care. That path simply isn’t enviable or interesting to you anymore.

Once you’ve healed, you’re no longer dating to ease heartbreak. You’re no longer trying to prove your worth or reenact old wounds in the hope of a different ending. You’re no longer emotionally tethered to the past.

You’ve let go.

And in doing so the avoidant dissolves. They’re unchained from your heart - you see them for what they really are - wounded, unhealed, childlike, incapable of real love.

They chose a rebound partner. They’re not healed, they still think of you while quietly resenting their chosen partner for not being you.

But you’re not rebounding like they are. You’re not choosing someone else to plaster over your wounds like they did. You sat in the flames, you processed, you understood and you let go.

Now you’re looking for something else entirely: emotional maturity. Accountability. Someone who understands that real love requires presence, communication, and the courage to stay when things get uncomfortable.

The irony? Once you’re healed, you can tell almost instantly who someone is. It’s in the messages. The tone. The consistency. The way they handle emotional availability. What once felt confusing is now obvious.

You look back and think: How did I ever tolerate someone who kept freaking out and running away like a child? How did I interpret their breadcrumb messages as anything but unhealed emotional repression!

When you’re out the other side none of this comes with bitterness—it comes with clarity. And maybe even sadness. Not for yourself, but for them.

Because healing doesn’t make you harder. It makes you honest. It makes you selective. And it makes you ready.

Ready for the real thing.

And this time, you won’t chase it. You’ll recognise it immediately 😜.

TR