The Avoidant’s Regret

The avoidant doesn’t just walk away from love — they push it away. When someone comes along who could have been a real match, who sparks depth and intimacy, it feels too risky. Too exposing. Too much.

So instead of leaning in, they pull back. They reject the one who could have touched their heart the deepest. And then, rather than confront their own patterns in therapy, they choose what feels “safe.”

They pick a pedestrian relationship - a nice predictable companion- they trundle along as roommates feeling emotionally safe because they don’t REALLY love this person. Years later the sex is non existent and the earth feels flat but rather than face themselves in therapy they marry the boring, predictable partner. They have kids. They build the picture-perfect life. On the outside, it looks stable. On the inside, it’s hollow.

Because here’s the truth:

• The love they turned away becomes the ghost that haunts them.

• The family they built carries the weight of their unhealed wounds.

• The safety they thought they found turns into the prison of their own avoidance.

And one day, regret arrives. Not just for the love they lost, but for the life they sacrificed by running from it.

The tragedy? They didn’t need to settle. They needed to heal but they were simply too cowardly to do so.

If you’re an avoidant - do everyone a favour and get to therapy. Then pick up a pen and start writing apologies to everyone who tried to love you, because you gaslit THEM as the problem when all along it was YOU.

TR