Letting Go of the Avoidant (and it's okay)

Full peace and letting go come when you’ve walked through the fire for so long that you come out the other side — different. Calmer. At peace.

And finally, you can forgive.

You’ve hurt for years, maybe even decades, knowing that what you had was real love — the kind that comes once in a lifetime. You were prepared to do anything for it, because deep down you knew that connection was rare, sacred, and real. You couldn’t believe they could just let that go.

But now, through therapy, through deep introspection and understanding, you know the truth. It wasn’t that they didn’t love you — it’s that they couldn’t hold that love. Their wounds made it impossible. It was subconscious to them, just as your anxious style was once subconscious to you.

But you worked on yourself. You became more independent. You became your own emotional safety. You realised that no one can give you that but you. And this relationship — as painful as it was — taught you exactly that.

You bravely loved this person, and now you are bravely letting go. Not with malice, not with hatred, not with anger — because you’ve already felt all of that. You’ve cried. You’ve hurt like hell.

But you’ve processed it all.

And now you understand. You can let go because you know. You know that this person didn’t know why they did what they did. They didn’t mean to hurt you. They discarded real love because they couldn’t hold it — because they are unhealed, wounded. And that’s not their fault.

Whatever happened in their childhood — an absent parent, emotional needs not being met — taught them that love wasn’t safe. So when it finally came along, in the beautiful shape of you, they couldn’t hold it.

Tragic, yes. Sad, yes. Painful, yes. But you also realise that it was never their fault.

The dismissive avoidant is almost impossible to understand — but you did. You knew them. You saw them. It was you who showed them what real love was. It was you they will never forget.

You were important in their story. Maybe one day — maybe already — they are starting to see why it mattered and what it showed them. But this isn’t about them coming back. This is about you understanding that what happened was meant to show you both something about yourselves.

You did the work. They didn’t. But this isn’t about blame — it’s about healing.

So now, you let go. Without resentment, without remorse, without regret.

Because it was no one’s fault. It was subconscious wounding — unhealed pain that needed to surface so it could finally be released.

You’ve done that. And what’s more — you’re such a loving person that you understood them too. You understood them so much that you could even let go and truly forgive.

And when that finally happens — when you’ve hurt, raged, sobbed, and broken open — you find that quiet moment of peace where you can finally move forward.

You healed. You forgave. You loved. And that is the biggest, most monumental thing a human being can ever do.

So go now. Live your life. Buy yourself something nice. Enjoy this feeling of forgiveness, truth, honesty, and love that you’ve given back to yourself.

What you’ve done is amazing.

And if you send this person loving thoughts, do it not because you hope they’ll come back — but because you understand them better than anyone else on earth, even more than they understand themselves.

And that — that kind of love — is the most beautiful thing a human can ever give. x