The Dismissive Avoidant Has Nothing Without Real Love

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter how much money you’ve got in your bank account, how many houses you own, how many cars you drive, or how many designer clothes hang in your wardrobe.

It doesn’t matter how many children, holidays, or diamonds you collect.

Without love — the real kind — you have nothing.

And that’s the truth the dismissive avoidant can never escape.

They are, quite possibly, the hardest people in the world to understand — and even harder to heal from. They left you when things were good, maybe even when things were perfect. You blamed yourself. You thought you weren’t enough. You spiralled. You suffered. You broke open. You took pills, you numbed yourself, you tried to move on — but your heart stayed tied to someone who’d already run away.

Then something changed.

You stopped running from your pain and sat with it instead. You healed. You came off the pills. You realised that what you’d been told — that you were “too much”, “too confrontational”, “too needy” — was a lie. You were gaslit, confused, labelled, dismissed. But still, you rose!

You did the hard work. You went to therapy. You cried, you released, you grew. You healed your anxious attachment wounds. You tried somatic therapy. You gave up alcohol, nicotine, caffeine. You began to see yourself clearly. And eventually, you saw them clearly too.

You thought if they loved you, they wouldn’t risk losing you.

Wrong.

You thought they didn’t love you enough to stay.

Wrong.

You thought they loved the person they chose over you.

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

They ran from you because they loved you — and because real love terrified them. They ran because they are unhealed. Because love — real love — was too much for them to hold.

You were everything they ever wanted, but their wounds couldn’t let them receive it. They couldn’t face themselves, couldn’t face intimacy, couldn’t face truth.

They’re the ones who need the healing. Not you. You've let go but they haven't. And now you become the ghost that haunts them for the rest of their lives.

And when you finally see that — when you really understand it — you are free.

You look at their life now: the cars, the houses, the new partner, the picture-perfect façade.

But you see through it. It’s all an illusion. Because without love — without the real, raw, heart-shaking kind — they have nothing.

It’s almost funny, isn’t it? What was once your greatest heartbreak becomes your greatest liberation.

They lost you because they couldn’t face themselves. They chose safety over truth, control over connection, performance over passion. And while they keep playing their loveless game, you’re out here living.

You did the work. You grew. You healed. You faced the pain, and it set you free.

Everything that happens from here is in your favour.

Because real love — the kind that transforms, expands, and awakens — belongs to those brave enough to hold it.

And that’s you.