When the Dismissive Avoidant Realises too Late! ⏰

One of the most painful things about loving a dismissive avoidant is that they often don’t even realise what they’ve done. Not truly. Not at the time.

They walk away from someone who loved them deeply, convinced they’re doing the right thing—yet they never stop to reflect on the damage left behind.

There’s little to no self-awareness in their decision to pull away. They don’t sit with their emotions. They don’t ask themselves why they’re feeling so shut down. Instead, they push their feelings down, shove them into a box, and slam the lid tight.

Rather than take a proper look at their own behaviour, they convince themselves that you’re the problem. You were too intense, too confrontational, too emotional. 🙄

They rewrite the story to protect themselves from facing their own fear of closeness, unresolved trauma, and the vulnerability real connection requires.

Often, they portray themselves as upright and healed—volunteering for charity fundraisers, or even working for organisations like the Samaritans.

But the truth is, they’re often the most unhealed of the lot!!!

But those fake stories they tell themselves don’t hold forever.

Eventually, the silence starts to echo. The distractions wear thin. The “safe bet” partner they don’t love becomes a pedestrian drudgery.

Then wham: They’re left with the truth: they pushed away the one person who truly cared for them. Someone REAL. Someone they truly loved. And by the time that realisation sinks in, it’s too late.

Because you’ve moved on.

You took the pain, faced it, healed from it. You grew. You learnt that love without emotional accountability just isn’t enough. You stopped waiting. You stopped trying to fix what someone else refuses to even look at.

If they do come back, they’ll find you changed.

You’re no longer willing to step back into something that nearly broke you. And unless they’ve done the deep inner work—proper therapy, honest self-reflection, and taken full responsibility for the hurt they caused—you know better than to risk it again.

Real love doesn’t thrive in emotional avoidance. And you’re no longer willing to shrink yourself for someone who couldn’t even admit they’d lost something rare.

TR