Dismissive Avoidant Ex? The Truth Behind the Mask 👻

The dismissive avoidant wears a convincing mask.

At first, they seem composed, independent, emotionally "above it all." But underneath that cold detachment is a deep, simmering fear — of closeness, of vulnerability, of truly being seen.

Real love threatens the fragile control they cling to, so when intimacy arrives, they retreat. Disappear. Send breadcrumbs just enough to keep you hanging on, but never enough to truly meet you.

I lived in that dynamic for too long. So much of my depression was wrapped up in it.

The constant rollercoaster of connection and withdrawal, the high of a message followed by the crushing silence — it was emotional Russian Roulette.

I was even diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but the truth is, my nervous system was reacting to the instability of being entangled with someone emotionally unavailable.

The devastation it caused nearly cost me my life.

But I’m still here.

And I’m proud of that. Proud that I recognised the pattern. Proud that I went to therapy. Proud that I took him off the pedestal and saw him clearly for what he was.

Not mysterious. Not evolved. Just… avoidant.

Emotionally stunted. Cowardly, even — unable and unwilling to face himself, and now hiding behind someone he doesn’t truly love, settling for safety over real connection.

And while I do feel sadness for him, that sadness doesn't come with strings anymore.

His healing is not my responsibility. None of what happened was my fault.

I was the only one who ever really saw him. And in the end, I won — not because I “got him,” but because I was ready for love. I was willing to face myself, to break generational patterns, to do the inner work.

And here’s the thing no one tells you:

The anxious one wins in the end.

Because we have the courage to love. We have the strength to heal. To grow. To evolve.

And while the avoidant may survive in safety — we live in truth - and that? That is all the closure we will ever need.

TR