Your Ex: The Unhealed Dismissive Avoidant and the Deadly Disease of Busyness 😆

There is a deadly disease running through relationships and modern life.

It’s called being busy.

The dismissive-avoidant person is always busy. Not busy living or growing — busy avoiding.

Avoiding their emotions.

Avoiding self-reflection.

Avoiding accountability.

Avoiding real emotional intimacy.

This isn’t a conscious choice. It’s an unconscious survival strategy. Staying busy keeps them from having to sit with themselves. If they slow down, feelings surface — and their nervous system interprets those feelings as danger.

So they stay in motion. Always too busy to look at themselves 😂

They make decisions from fear, not truth.

They run from real love because real closeness sends their nervous system into panic. When genuine intimacy appears, they feel overwhelmed and flee.

Instead, many dismissive-avoidants choose partners they don’t truly love — partners who don’t ask for emotional depth, vulnerability, or real connection. These relationships feel “safe” because nothing is required of them emotionally.

But every one of these choices is driven by fear.

Imagine the devastation when awareness finally hits — when they wake up and realise the life they built was designed to avoid themselves. 🤦‍♂️

Now, when I hear someone say, “I’m so busy,” I’m not impressed. I don’t hear success or importance. I think, Oh dear… you’re trapped in the deadly disease of busyness. Most likely, you can’t sit with yourself.

It’s almost sad. Almost funny.

When I think of my ex — the one who decimated my heart, breadcrumbed me, and yo-yoed me into emotional illness — I no longer feel anger or pain. I actually laugh. Not cruelly, but clearly.

I can see him now. Really see him.

And he is still making decisions from an unhealed place.

And strangely, that’s okay.

Dismissive-avoidants often need to keep making the same choices — building lives full of distractions, commitments, possessions, and status — until the weight of those choices becomes unbearable. Until they finally reach therapy….

…Until avoidance stops working.

I forgive. I let go. I understand.

And one day, you will too.

Yes, they brutalised your heart. But now you understand why. And understanding brings freedom.

So let them distract themselves with babies, cars, careers, and busyness — whatever helps them avoid the truth.

Let them go.

Not with bitterness.

Not with revenge.

But with understanding.

Your emotional intelligence is your gift.

It is freedom.

It is healing.

It is peace.

Happy Christmas 🎄