Why You Don’t Want Them Back

If your dismissive-avoidant ex came back, what would stop them from running again the moment things got close? Just when you start to trust them, they’d likely retreat. You’d live in constant fear of triggering them, always bracing for the rug to be pulled out from under you.

The alternative? A relationship that feels more like being roommates—safe on the surface, but stripped of emotional intimacy, because you’re too afraid of crossing a line that makes them shut down. That’s not love. That’s survival.

There’s no point wasting energy imagining their return. The truth is, they need to live out their own choices—even if that means marrying the wrong person, walking into a loveless, soulless situation, and creating the car crash that finally forces them to face themselves. Only through their own mess can they learn why they ran, and why they lost real love when they had it.

Meanwhile, you move forward. You take your pain, you heal, you grow stronger, and you keep living. By the time they hit rock bottom and regret losing you, you’ll already be so far ahead that going back won’t even be an option.

And in the rare case they do wake up—if they truly reflect, seek therapy, and want to love you in the way you deserve—then it must come with actionable change. No empty promises, no breadcrumbs, no half-in-half-out. Real commitment, or nothing at all.

The only way forward is to let them go. Let them live their choices. Let them learn. And let yourself keep becoming the version of you who no longer waits for anyone to catch up.

TR