Does My Dismissive Avoidant Ex Think of Me?

If you’ve ever loved a dismissive avoidant, you’ve probably asked yourself: Do they ever think of me? Do they regret losing me?

The answer is simple: Yes, they think of you.

But here’s the part that stings—they’ll almost never be brave enough to admit it. You won’t get the apology, the tearful admission of guilt, or the deep sorrow you deserve. Because avoidance is what they do best and they'll dismiss and avoid their own feelings until the cows come home and the milk has gone sour.

In other words - forever.

Why They Can’t Admit It

Dismissive avoidants push away the very love they secretly crave. True intimacy feels terrifying to them because it threatens their carefully built walls. So instead of leaning into closeness, they run from it.

They’ll tell themselves—and sometimes others—that you weren’t right for them, it was 'bad timing,' 'confrontational,' or that the relationship wasn’t what they wanted.

But beneath that self-protection lies fear: fear of being truly seen, truly vulnerable, and truly loved.

What They Choose Instead

Often, dismissive avoidants settle with “safe” partners—the ones who don’t challenge their walls, who don’t demand emotional risk.

On the surface, it looks stable. But underneath, it often leads to boredom, dissatisfaction, and a quiet unhappiness they can never fully dismiss or avoid.

And here’s the irony: at some point, they realise what they lost. They think back to the partner who loved them deeply, who offered real intimacy. They recognise it—even if they’ll never say it out loud.

Why You’ll Never Hear It

If you confronted them with the truth—

“You rejected love because of your fear of intimacy. You need healing. You’re a dismissive avoidant.”

—what would happen?

They’d do what they always do: dismiss you, avoid you, deflect. That’s the cycle. And you can’t break it for them.

The Shift That Heals You

Here’s the part that matters most: their healing is not your responsibility.

You can’t drag them into self-awareness. You can’t force them to face what they’ve done.

And you can’t fix the wounds they refuse to acknowledge.

What you can do is heal yourself. You can process the grief, let go of the fantasy of closure, and step into freedom.

I’ve done it myself. I loved a dismissive avoidant. I watched them reject the very love they needed. And I walked away.

And now? I feel lighter. Whole. Free.

Because the truth is: their avoidance isn’t your problem. Your healing is your gift.

Final Word

Yes, your dismissive avoidant ex thinks of you. Yes, they regret it—deep down, even if they’ll never say it.

But the most important question isn’t whether they think of you.

It’s whether you think enough of yourself to move forward, heal, and create the love you truly deserve.

Because unlike them—you’re brave enough to embrace it.

TR