When a Dismissive-Avoidant Chooses Safety Over Love

There’s a quiet tragedy in the life of a dismissive-avoidant who settles for safety instead of the love they truly desire. On the surface, life may seem stable—predictable routines, reliable partners, the comfort of avoiding vulnerability. But beneath that calm lies a persistent emptiness.

Dismissive-avoidants instinctively protect themselves from emotional intensity, often mistaking closeness for danger. When they reject the love of their life in favour of “safe” options, they may feel relief at first—but it is fleeting. Over time, that relief gives way to subtle regret:

• A constant yearning for what they turned away from, even if they never admit it.

• A sense of disconnection, because safety rarely ignites the heart the way true love does.

• Self-reproach, as they quietly realise they traded depth of emotion for predictability.

The paradox is cruel: dismissive-avoidants fear being consumed by love, yet by avoiding it, they miss the very thing that could make them feel alive. Safety can shield them from pain, but it also shields them from joy, intimacy, and the profound connection they secretly crave.

Eventually, some come to understand that true love doesn’t demand the loss of independence—it invites growth, trust, and courage. But for those who choose the safe path first, the lesson may arrive slowly, as a whispering ache that never fully fades.

Love is risky. Yet the cost of avoiding it can be far greater than the risk of embracing it.

I pity the dismissive avoidants who were in my life, none of them are happy behind their curated lives but all I can do is let go and silently watch from the sidelines as they continue to dismiss and avoid therapy!!

The whole thing is laughable really. Hey ho 😆😎