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How to Finally Get Over Your Dismissive-Avoidant Ex (And Why They’re the One Who Lost).

  • Writer: Tom Robinson
    Tom Robinson
  • 11 minutes ago
  • 3 min read

If you’re here, chances are you’ve loved someone with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style—and you’re still reeling from the heartbreak.


You’re not crazy. You’re not weak. You’re not “too much.”


You simply loved someone who couldn’t handle real love.



The Pattern of the Dismissive-Avoidant Ex



With a dismissive-avoidant, everything feels electric in the beginning. The passion is undeniable, the connection is unlike anything you’ve ever felt. You can’t make sense of it when it ends—because it felt so real.


And it was real. But here’s the catch:


  • They crave love, but they fear it even more.


  • They reject the one they love the most—because the risk is too high.


  • They leave not because you weren’t enough, but because you were everything.



To them, true intimacy feels like danger. So they run. And often, they run straight into another relationship.


That new partner? Don’t be fooled. They didn’t choose them because they’re better than you.


They chose them because they’re safer.


Because the emotional stakes are lower. If that person leaves, they’ll survive—because they were never deeply invested to begin with.

With you? The love was so deep, so terrifying, that they couldn’t handle it.



The Brutal Truth That Sets You Free



Here’s what finally cracks the code:

You were rejected because they loved you.


Yes, it hurts like hell. Yes, it feels like your soul has been ripped apart. But once you see that truth clearly, everything changes.


You stop blaming yourself.


You stop replaying every word and every moment.


You stop imagining their new relationship as a fairytale.


Because deep down, you know:


  • Their relationship isn’t intimacy. It’s convenience.


  • They’ll eventually drift into a roommate dynamic, emotionally distant, perhaps even sleeping in separate beds.


  • They will never know the kind of love they had with you—because they’re incapable of holding it.




The Real Failure Was Never You



Loving a dismissive-avoidant can destroy your mental health. You spiral. You blame yourself. Maybe you’ve been through antidepressants, therapy, even hospital stays. You’ve cried yourself empty.


But hear me: the failure was never yours.

The real failure lies with the one who cannot heal enough to let love in. Someone can have money, status, success—and still fail at the most important thing in life: human connection.


A dismissive-avoidant fails themselves, their partners, and every chance they have at real intimacy.



Why You Are the One Who Wins



Here’s the paradox: while you’re suffering, it feels like they’ve “moved on.” But the truth is:


  • They lost. They lost the chance to be truly loved. They lost you.


  • You win. Because you’re capable of deep love. Because you’ve faced the fire and survived. Because you’re healing, and they’re stuck in the same cycle forever.



When you finally see this clearly, you stop begging for closure. You stop trying to decode their behaviour. You stop waiting for them to come back changed.


You let go—not because the love wasn’t real, but because you finally understand it was their fear, not your worth.


And that is your freedom.



Final Word: You Are Not the One Left Behind



The dismissive-avoidant didn’t abandon you because you weren’t enough. They left because you were EVERYTHING.


They will never experience the intimacy they ran from. They will live in half-love, half-connection, half-life.


But you? You’re free to rise, to heal, to love again—with someone who doesn’t run when love gets real.


TR


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