Why You Should Never Take Advice From a Dismissive Avoidant‼️

We all know them. They walk among us, looking perfectly put together — calm, cool, collected. But behind the façade? They’re experts at one thing only: avoiding and dismissing.

Ask a dismissive avoidant for advice when you’re going through an emotional crisis and here’s what you’ll get:

• “Stop overthinking, just go for a run.”

• “Have a gin and tonic in the bath.”

• “Book a holiday, you’re not busy enough.”

• “Don’t be depressed, just distract yourself.”

In other words, their “support” is basically avoidance gift-wrapped as wisdom.

But here’s the problem — when you’re processing grief, heartbreak, betrayal, or a relationship breakdown, you don’t need someone to rush you past your feelings like they’re skipping ads on YouTube. You need empathy, time, and someone willing to lean in with you, not push it all away.

I remember sitting in the next room after my DA ex had blatantly wronged me. Did he come to comfort me? Apologise? Offer even the smallest gesture of connection?

Nope.

Radio silence.

And when that relationship inevitably crashed and burned, my best friend’s advice was — surprise, surprise — “Get busy, you’re not busy enough.” Classic DA. (She also dumped the love of her life, so, case in point.)

Why do they do this?

Dismissive avoidants learned early on that feelings = unsafe. Connection = risky. So, their survival strategy became: don’t feel too much, don’t need too much, don’t get too close. Which means when you bring them your messy, beautiful, human emotions, they’ll respond the only way they know how: by shutting it down.

DEAD.

So next time you’re hurting, don’t go to a DA for comfort. Unless, of course, you really do want a gin and tonic in the bath and a lecture on “getting busy.”

Otherwise, go to the people who can sit with your pain, not run from it.

Because the truth is — dismissive avoidants aren’t handing out advice, they’re handing out instructions for how they avoid their own feelings. And trust me, you don’t need that manual.

TR