They Love You, But They Can’t Meet You: The Dismissive Avoidant Nightmare

It’s one of the most confusing experiences in love — when someone clearly cares about you, maybe even loves you, but still can’t seem to meet you where you are. They pull away when things get too close, shut down when you try to connect, and seem to exist behind an invisible wall you can’t break through.

Welcome to the dismissive avoidant nightmare.

These are the people who love deeply, but quietly. Who crave closeness, but fear it more than anything. Their nervous systems are wired to protect them from vulnerability — so when love starts to feel real, their instincts tell them to run.

You’ll feel it as mixed signals:

• The warmth one day, the distance the next.

• The long, tender conversations followed by sudden silence.

• The “I miss you” that’s quickly followed by a wall of emotional ice.

It’s not that they don’t care. In fact, that’s the hardest part — they do. But for the dismissive avoidant, love activates old wounds. Intimacy feels like danger, closeness feels like loss of control. So they protect themselves the only way they know how: by withdrawing.

They’ll tell themselves they’re “better alone.”

They’ll rationalise their distance as “needing space.”

They’ll convince themselves they’re “not ready.”

And maybe they aren’t — at least, not until they face the fears that keep them running…. Which inevitably they don’t do. Instead they marry someone they don’t REALLY love, someone they don’t have to risk their heart to, Then years later they wonder why they’re miserable 🙄.

Everyone loses when a dismissive avoidant is in the mix so the only real option is to try to save YOURSELF.

If you love someone like this, it’s easy to think you can love them enough to change. But the truth is, only they can dismantle those walls. Only they can learn that love doesn’t have to mean losing themselves. And if you wait for them to change? You’ll lose decades of your life - believe me.

So if you’re stuck in that painful middle — where love exists but connection doesn’t — remember: their inability to meet you is not a reflection of your worth. It’s a reflection of their fear.

Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is let them face that fear on their own. Let them make stupid decisions and dig their own grave. They were too cowardly to face love, too stupid and unwilling to self reflect or go to therapy.

The tragedy is they DO love you — but until they can meet you, it will always be a love that hurts. LIKE HELL.

Brave victims of the dismissive avoidant nightmare - keep going! Keep fighting for YOURSELF and the love that you DESERVE!

TR