The Avoidant Fails at The One Thing that Means Everything- LOVE.

The truth about avoidants is that they cannot handle accountability.

They run from it, deflect it, twist it, anything but face the reality of how their behaviour affects the people who love them. And the damage they leave behind is devastating.

I know it because I lived it.

The breadcrumb messages that kept me hanging on, the dizzying highs and crushing lows, the endless cycle of hope and despair. It decimated my heart. It carved out pieces of me until I was left with depression, horrendous insomnia, and a level of suffering I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

And yet, here is what I’ve come to see: the failure is not mine. It never was.

It doesn’t matter how intelligent you are, how good you are at your job, how handsome or successful or admired you may be.

None of that counts for anything if you cannot love with your heart. If you cannot take the leap for the one you claim to love, if you cannot open yourself to vulnerability, if you cannot connect deeply and emotionally with another human being—then that is the greatest failure of all.

So I release the weight of their avoidance. I no longer measure myself by their inability to choose me fully. I see them for what they are: someone who failed at the most important thing in life. And in that clarity, I am free.

Today, I think of this person rarely but in those quiet moments I remember a great love. A love he couldn’t hold. His failing NOT mine.

I no longer see myself as unworthy or not good enough, because deep down this person hasn’t healed, hasn’t grown, hasn’t processed the past and that isn’t something that I am accountable for.

So now I move on. Finally. Healed. Fully understanding the truth of the situation. There’s no self reproach, in fact, the complete opposite because I gave my all, I loved, I showed up, I was willing to love deeeply, and in the end I won.

I’m stronger, wiser, more independent. I’m happier, more content in my skin - I’m whole. And for that transformation I have the avoidant to thank.

TR