Letting Go of Past Relationships- how to move forward!

Being tossed aside, breadcrumbed, and emotionally thrown around by someone you truly loved—but who was emotionally unavailable—is a kind of hell.

Especially when that person has a dismissive avoidant attachment style. The on/off sporadic messages, the undeniable chemistry between you that causes them to freak out, discard and then breadcrumb you? It hurts - DEEPLY. And the emotional scars? They can take years to heal.

But with therapy, I began to understand that their coldness wasn’t strength. It was fear. What I once saw as "independent" and "together" was actually someone hiding behind a mask. Not strong—just scared. Not self-sufficient—just emotionally cut off. A person acting their way through life, terrified of true intimacy and in desperate need of therapy.

Eventually, I saw them for who they really were. And when I did, I stopped being drawn to them. I stopped trying to fix, save, or understand them.

And I chose me.

That photo I kept to remember them? Burned.

That gold coin with their birth year, the one I imagined giving them? Sold.

The books, the letters, the memories? Thrown away.

Because healing means letting go—not just of them, but of the version of yourself that thought that kind of love was enough.

No one’s coming to save me. So I decided to save myself.

I’m buying the house. Booking the holiday. Learning piano to Grade 8. Speaking fluent French. Doing the things I always put off—for me.

I used to think this was selfish. Maybe that was the “Jesus complex” in me, always putting others first. But guess what? That didn’t help me. 🤷‍♀️😂

Now I understand: this isn’t selfish. It’s healing. It’s reclaiming myself.

From the ashes of two toxic relationships—one with a narcissist, the other with a dismissive avoidant—I’m rising.

And strangely? I’m grateful. Because they taught me everything I needed to learn.

TR