How to Let Go of an Unhealed Dismissive Avoidant Ex

One day, you stop writing about it.

You stop replaying the conversations in your head, stop wondering what you could have done differently.

You stop trying to understand the silence, the hot-and-cold behaviour, the “freaking out”, the meaningless breadcrumb messages, the wall they always kept up.

Because one day—after the therapy, the tears, the journaling, the endless inner spirals—you finally get it:

It was never really about you.

It was about their unhealed wounds. Their fear of closeness. Their resistance to vulnerability. Their emotional repression. Their incapacity to hold intimacy - to hold love.

You didn’t break them, and you weren’t meant to fix them.

You realise… you don’t even want the apology anymore.

Not because it wouldn’t be nice, but because you don’t need it.

Their recognition of your pain isn’t required for you to validate it yourself.

You stop waiting.

Not just for them to come back, or reach out, or change—but for anything that would tie your worth to their capacity (or incapacity) to love.

You choose you.

And then something shifts.

You book the trip.

You apply for the role.

You buy that place you always dreamed of.

You fill your life with things that light you up.

You meet people—new friends, new experiences, maybe even someone new.

Not from a place of lack, but from wholeness.

And if love comes again, it finds you standing tall.

Not as someone waiting to be chosen, but as someone who knows their value, their boundaries, their peace.

You meet them as your most healed self.

Your most wise, soft, solid, clear self.

Not perfect, but finally free.

Letting go isn’t loud.

It’s not a grand declaration or a social media moment.

It’s quiet, steady, powerful.

It’s the day you realise… you’re done writing the story, because the chapter truly ended.

THEY lost YOU.

They couldn’t self reflect or see what they were doing. They simply weren’t able to meet you where you were - far easier to be cowardly and gaslight, freak out and run.

But you were the hero. You sat with the pain. You went to therapy, you healed.

And YOU get a fresh canvas to create a whole new story.

TR