The Classic Warning Signs That You're Dealing With a Dismissive Avoidant

At first, they seem cool, independent, charming, maybe even mysterious. You think you’ve found someone confident and self-sufficient. But slowly, the mask slips — and you start seeing the pattern.

This is what you’ll likely get at the beginning of the relationship:

• “I have to go away for work.”

  
  

• Rushed mornings, early exits, always “too busy.”

  
  

• “I’ve already planned this and that” — and you're never included.

  
  

• They don’t easily let you into their world.

  
  

• Every interaction feels like a subtle test.

  
  

• Delayed responses to messages - again, too busy. But to you? It's all feeling like a game of chess, one wrong move and the whole thing will come crashing down...

  
  

  Your anxiety is surging up...

  
  

Then the first conflict arises. You expect honesty, connection. What you get is:

“Let’s can this for the weekend.” And then — silence. Ghosted.

A healed, secure person communicates. The dismissive avoidant? They shut down. They disappear when things get emotionally real.

Eventually, they’ll likely end the relationship — once or multiple times — right when things start to deepen. But they’re not gone. Oh no. They’ll breadcrumb you: a random message, a like on a post on social media, a “Hey, just checking in,” as if nothing happened.

No accountability. No emotional integrity. Maybe they’ll sleep with you again — and pretend it meant nothing. They’ll walk away, casually, like it never happened. And you’re left spinning.

And if you’re ever sick — say, in bed with the flu? They’ll head to a lunch party without a second thought. You're not a priority.

But here’s what makes it so confusing: They’ll act like a gentleman - yes, they might show up at the hospital and sit next to your bed. They’ll do just enough to look like a caring, devoted partner.

They'll likely encourage you to get that new job. Then when you're doing really well and come home having succeeded they'll say something like 'I do business deals everyday.' There's no genuine feeling for you, it's all about them and their image, in short, it's covertly narcissistic.

To the outside world, they seem like a great catch — calm, responsible, supportive.

But you know different. You’re on the inside. You see the push-pull. The emotional absence. The subtle gaslighting. The lack of emotional depth. They starve you emotionally while feeding just enough to keep you clinging.

There’s no real intimacy. No warmth. No emotional safety.

They’ll likely settle down one day — not with someone who challenges them, but someone “safe,” someone who doesn’t press on their emotional wounds. And maybe they’ll even say: “Let’s get married — for tax reasons.”

They won't marry for love! That would be far too scary for a dismissive avoidant.

And here’s the truth: They are not worth your time.

When you finally see the pattern clearly? You’d never, ever stay.

They don’t love — they fear needing. They don’t grow — because they’re never forced to. They don’t respect the one who stays — because staying says this is okay.

And let’s not forget the ultimate twist: You’re in bed, and they say someone else’s name. Why? Because their subconscious is desperate to avoid attachment. And they’ll do anything — even sabotage — to keep their heart closed.

You know the hit show Sex and the City? You’re living Carrie’s life. Big was a classic dismissive avoidant. Carrie, anxiously attached, kept letting him back in. He never grew. He never changed. He treated her like an option. And we called it romance. We called it great TV.

Yes — brilliant writing. But in real life? It’s soul-destroying. Mr. Big is everywhere — walking the streets of every major city with a line of broken hearts behind him.

Wake up. See the pattern. Pull him off the pedestal. Go to therapy if you need to — but get out. This man is not your future. He is your wake-up call.

The only power move is to leave. Not to punish him — but to protect yourself.

Because if you stay, you become part of his emotional dysfunction. And it will erode your self-worth, bit by bit, until you don’t even recognise who you are.

Choose you. Walk away. Never look back.

TR