Your Ex is Not a Good Person

At some point, you have to stop asking yourself, “How could someone walk away from something that was so good?” and start asking a different question:

What kind of person discards someone they are having an amazing relationship with, freaks out, ghosts them, and then comes back with meaningless breadcrumb messages?

Because that isn’t confusion. That isn’t kindness. And it certainly isn’t love.

It’s SELFISH.

There is something particularly cruel about being made to feel that you had something extraordinary with someone, only for them to walk away without properly explaining why.

No honest conversation.

No accountability.

No closure.

Just distance, silence, and the occasional breadcrumb to keep you emotionally attached.

And then, somehow, they move on.

They choose someone else because “X is so nice.”

Nice.

Honestly, what the hell?

Imagine having something rare in front of you — a relationship where there is genuine connection, chemistry, intimacy, laughter, understanding, and the feeling that you’ve found something you might never find again — and rejecting it because someone else is nice. 😂🤦‍♂️

There is nothing wrong with choosing a kind person. But when “nice” becomes the justification for throwing away something profound, it can leave the person you discarded wondering whether everything between you meant anything at all.

And that’s where you have to stop putting your ex on a pedestal.

Because sometimes we romanticise the person who hurt us.

We remember their beautiful moments. Their tenderness. The chemistry. The conversations. The memories. The version of them that made us feel completely alive.

We forget the other side.

The ghosting.

The breadcrumbs.

The lack of accountability.

The refusal to communicate.

The absence of an apology.

The distance.

The fact that they never came back to properly explain themselves.

The fact that they didn’t seek therapy, didn’t confront their behaviour, didn’t try to understand why they hurt someone they supposedly cared about.

Instead, they simply moved on — leaving someone else to deal with the emotional wreckage they created.

And that matters.

Because being capable of having an amazing relationship with someone does not automatically make you a good person.

You can love someone and still hurt them.

You can have incredible chemistry and still behave selfishly.

You can have something genuinely special with someone and still be too emotionally unavailable, avoidant, frightened, immature, or self-involved to handle it properly.

And perhaps that’s the hardest thing to accept.

Maybe the relationship really was amazing.

Maybe the connection really was once-in-a-lifetime.

Maybe you really did love each other.

And maybe they still weren’t capable of treating you well.

Those things can all be true at the same time.

So stop asking yourself why they chose someone who was “nice.”

Stop comparing yourself to the person they chose.

Stop wondering what that person had that you didn’t because your ex simply chose the low stakes imitation of love and not the REAL THING. Dick 🙄

And, most importantly, stop assuming that their choice is a measurement of your worth.

Unhealed avoidants like your ex, choose what feels easier, safer, less challenging, or more convenient. Sometimes they choose what they believe they can manage rather than what actually moves them.

And sometimes people simply make terrible choices.

Their inability to recognise what they had doesn’t make what you shared worthless.

But their behaviour afterwards tells you something important about who they are.

A person who genuinely cares about you doesn’t have to stay in a relationship with you.

They are allowed to leave.

They are allowed to realise they don’t want the same future.

They are allowed to choose somebody else.

But there is a difference between leaving a relationship and leaving a person emotionally abandoned while keeping them hanging on with breadcrumbs.

You don’t owe someone a pedestal simply because you once loved them.

And you don’t have to keep protecting the image of someone who didn’t protect your heart.

Take them down.

Not because you need to hate them.

Not because you need revenge.

But because you need to see them clearly.

The person you loved may have been wonderful in some ways.

The relationship may have been extraordinary.

The memories may always mean something to you.

But if someone repeatedly chooses behaviour that causes unnecessary hurt, refuses accountability, avoids difficult conversations, offers no genuine closure and makes no effort to understand the damage they’ve caused, then you are allowed to say:

That wasn’t good enough.

And perhaps the most liberating realisation of all is this:

You don’t need your ex to apologise before you can stop waiting.

You don’t need them to come back before you can move forward.

You don’t need closure from the person who created the wound.

Sometimes closure is finally taking someone off the pedestal and admitting:

I loved you. What we had was real. And you still treated me badly.

Both can be true.

And once you can hold both truths, you can finally stop confusing the extraordinary relationship you experienced with the quality of the person who walked away from it.

TR