Why You DON’T Send your Ex A Christmas Message!

The festive season has a way of making everything feel softer.

The lights, the music, the nostalgia — and suddenly you’re holding your phone, wondering whether a simple “Merry Christmas” would really matter….

But if your ex is dismissive avoidant, the answer is no. And it’s an important NO!!!

Christmas Feelings Aren’t the Same as Healing

Christmas doesn’t fix relationship dynamics. It heightens emotions, but that isn’t the same as growth or clarity. Wanting to reach out often comes from loneliness, sentimentality, or habit — not from a genuinely healthy place.

Dismissive Avoidants Don’t Experience Messages the Way You Imagine

Dismissive avoidant people protect themselves by keeping emotional distance.

A Christmas message from an ex is unlikely to feel comforting to them. More often, it feels inconvenient, pressuring, or easy to ignore. The warm response you’re hoping for is rarely what happens.

It Reopens Emotional Loops

Even a short, polite message can pull you straight back into old patterns: checking your phone, analysing the reply, or feeling rejected by silence. Which is what they’ll do - GHOST 👻

If you’ve worked hard to move on, one message can undo far more than you expect.

“It’s Just Being Polite” Isn’t a Good Reason

Politeness is often a cover for putting someone else’s comfort before your own. You’re not obligated to send festive goodwill to someone who couldn’t meet you emotionally.

Self-respect matters more than social niceties.

Silence Is a Boundary, Not Cruelty

Not sending a message isn’t bitter or dramatic. It’s a calm, self-protective choice. It’s choosing peace over hope, and emotional stability over nostalgia.

What to Do Instead

• Spend time with people who are emotionally available to you.

  
  

• Write the message in your notes app — and leave it there.

  
  

• Create new Christmas traditions that aren’t connected to your past.

The Bottom Line

You don’t send your dismissive avoidant ex a Christmas message. Not because you don’t care — but because you care enough about yourself to stop reopening doors that lead nowhere.

Let Christmas be about safety, warmth, and genuine connection. If someone couldn’t offer that when it mattered, they don’t need access to you now.

TR