When Dismissive Avoidants Choose Safety Over REAL Love

Dismissive avoidants often don’t choose the person they truly love.

They choose the one who feels “safe.” Not safe as in deeply secure—safe as in less threatening, less likely to awaken the depth of vulnerability they’re terrified of feeling.

So they run. They freak out. They push away the one who stirred something real in them. They discard the person who cracked open their heart.

And you—yes, you—you suffered. You were left confused, gutted, brutalised by the silence, the coldness, the sudden void where there was once connection. But you survived. You healed. You rebuilt yourself stronger, wiser, and now you can see the pattern for what it is.

Meanwhile, years pass. The avoidant sits with the “safe” choice—the partner who doesn’t ignite them, the life that feels flat, muted, mechanical. They think marriage and kids will fill the void 🤦‍♂️. So they exchange rings and change nappies, all the while feeling the monotony of their staid relationship increase.

And then it hits them.

They remember the connection they ran from. The love they buried. The person who showed them intimacy, then became too much for them to hold.

And regret creeps in. Shame. Remorse. They realise they traded real love for comfort, they traded the passion with YOU for predictability with them 🙄. They married the wrong person. They chose someone they don’t truly love.

But by the time they see it clearly—you’re no longer there. You’ve moved on. You’ve grown past their fear, past their avoidance. You’ve learned to love yourself and reserve your heart only for those who can hold it with the depth it deserves.

Because you’re not available anymore—not to people who can’t hold real love.

And in the end the pain is worth it because you meet someone who can be present in relationships. Someone who IS emotionally present. Someone who embraces emotional connection and intimacy and doesn’t freak out quicker than you can say “unhealed issues”.

YOU are going to be absolutely fine 😎.

TR