How to Forgive and Let Go of a Dismissive Avoidant Who Hurt You

If you’ve ever been with a dismissive avoidant, you’ll know how painful it can be. It usually starts the same way: passion, fireworks, a deep connection that feels real, especially in the bedroom.

Then suddenly, they freak out and pull away.

They vanish, ghost, or run for the hills without really telling you why.

For the partner left behind, it’s crushing. I know it wrecked my mental health—bringing anxiety, insomnia, and endless self-doubt. And I’ve seen so many kind, open-hearted friends go through the same thing.

What makes it worse is that they don’t just leave. They breadcrumb you—little texts, small signs of interest—enough to keep you hanging on. You end up stuck on a rollercoaster, unable to move forward, hoping for change that never comes.

Sometimes they’ll even come back, sleep with you, and then disappear all over again.

Eventually they settle with someone “safe” for them, (either a passionless “roommate” or another avoidant - either way a DISASTER) but only after breaking hearts along the way.

So how do you get over this? How do you forgive and let go?

1. Stop waiting for closure from them.

They avoid not only closeness but also responsibility. The answers and apologies you’re waiting for won’t come. Closure has to come from you deciding it’s done.

2. Remember it’s not about your worth.

They didn’t run because you weren’t enough. They ran because intimacy triggered them. That’s their wound, not your value.

3. Cut off contact.

Every breadcrumb pulls you back into the cycle. Silence isn’t revenge—it’s protection.

4. Allow yourself to grieve.

You're grieving not just the person, but the dream of what could have been. Let yourself feel it fully. That’s how you release it.

5. Focus on feeling safe again.

Work on grounding yourself, finding peace in your own body and life. Therapy, journaling, good routines—all of it helps rebuild stability.

6. Forgive for yourself, not for them.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean excusing them or letting them back in. It means choosing not to carry their damage with you anymore.

The sad part is dismissive avoidants hurt themselves in the long run too. Eventually, they self-reflect, hit rock bottom and see what they've done. The guilt is CRUSHING. But that’s their path, not yours.

Your path is about taking back your light, your energy, and your freedom.

You may never get the “why” from them—but you can give yourself the “how”: how to heal, how to move on, how to stop letting them hold space in your life.

That’s when you finally step off the ride—for good.