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The Silence of the Avoidant Ex is all the Closure You Need

  • Writer: Tom Robinson
    Tom Robinson
  • Jun 10
  • 2 min read

If they’ve never written to explain, to apologise, to give you closure—then that is your closure.


Let that sink in.


If someone can disappear after breaking your heart, breadcrumbing you with the occasional “lunch?” or “dinner at the flat,” perhaps even using you for “heartbreak sex”, and never once take accountability for the confusion, the emotional whiplash, the cruelty of giving you hope only to pull away again—then no, they haven’t changed.

They haven’t done the work. They haven’t self-reflected. They haven’t healed.

Because if they had, they’d be overwhelmed with clarity. They’d see—really see—how damaging their hot-and-cold games were. How dehumanising it was to keep you on a string, checking if you were still an option while they ran from their own emotions.


They would be ashamed of how they treated someone who only ever offered them honesty, vulnerability, and love.


If they were doing the work, they wouldn’t stay silent. They wouldn’t just disappear and hide in a new relationship, or bury themselves in work and distractions. They’d know better.


They’d feel remorse.

And they’d do the one thing that healing people do: they make it right. In some way. Even just a simple, genuine apology.


But they didn’t. And that silence tells you everything.


Don’t waste any more time wondering if they’ve changed. Don’t romanticise their absence as growth. They’re still avoiding—still afraid of real connection, still stuck in the patterns that broke you both. Still hiding from real love, still acting, still pretending to have it all together in a farce of a dynamic, still deeply unhappy behind their mask of “togetherness”.


You’re the only one who sees them for the unhealed child they really are. Sad? Yes, but their growth isn’t your responsibility anymore.


The peace you were waiting to receive from them? Give it to yourself.


You deserve real closure. Real love. Real healing. And it starts with no longer chasing understanding from someone who was never brave enough to give it.


You’re free now. Let that be the gift.


Walk forward in the knowledge that they have shown you exactly who they are - someone who can’t and won’t admit to their own shame, who can’t confront the truth, who can’t offer you anything at all.


The silence IS the closure. Let that be all the understanding you’ll ever need.


TR

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