The Gift of the Anxious Partner

To have understood someone better than they understand themselves.

To have identified the avoidant for the unhealed person they are.

To have done the inner work on oneself — the hard, honest work — and to have come out the other side with enough clarity and compassion to truly see the avoidant.

To recognise them, not as indifferent or strong, but as afraid. Afraid of love. Afraid of vulnerability. Hiding behind another, or behind a persona, simply to maintain the mask.

To be the only one in the world who truly sees and knows them. Knows that it’s all an act. That underneath the surface, they are a coward — not in cruelty, but in fear. An actor performing strength, when in reality, they are freaking out - terrified of being seen.

What a gift the anxious has.

What beautiful, intuitive, empathetic people they are — to care so deeply, to feel so much, to love in a way that allows them to see clearly, even when it hurts.

To the anxious: you are not too much. You are a miracle of perception and feeling.

The avoidant did not deserve you.

Know today that you were the one that healed, you were the one that cared enough to understand them when they gave you NO closure, NO understanding, NO explanations and NO empathy.

Forgive yourself for loving them so deeply.

Love yourself for making such an effort to understand yourself and THEM when they may never take even one moment to self-reflect.

You were the gift and the love they were looking for. It is them that missed the best thing that could have happened to them. It is them that discarded the biggest gift of all.

They lost YOU.

Pour that love into yourself today. Know that YOU are the one who holds no wounds, that you are the one who was mature enough to forgive, understand and learn.

You are the hero of the story.

And every day you are moving closer to the love you truly deserve x