The Favour Your Avoidant Ex Has Done for You

Here’s the wildest, most unexpectedly hilarious thing about heartbreak: You can spend months — even years — hurting, obsessing, replaying memories, wishing your ex could see what really happened… and then one day you finally understand the truth:

He’s not going to change — and you don’t even care anymore.

It’s almost funny. The moment you stop aching is the moment everything clicks.

The Great Emotional Mismatch

In these “emotional Russian Roulette” relationships, something happens almost like a secret script. The person who can’t handle emotional closeness retreats. They choose the “safer” option — someone who won’t ask them to open up, someone who accepts distance, or someone who mirrors their own avoidance.

And yes, it feels like a brutal discard: Real love replaced with the emotional equivalent of beige wallpaper.

At first, it’s devastating. You’re left holding the pain, the confusion, the hope that maybe if they understood — really understood — you could both heal and reunite. Therapy gives you clarity, but your heart still clings to the fantasy:

If only they could see what I see now…If only they could go to therapy too…If only we both healed, we could have something extraordinary.

And yes — sometimes that does happen to people who choose growth. But not everyone does - especially when they're entrenched in the avoidance patterns of a terrified child.

When Avoidance Becomes a Lifestyle

Some people would rather tick boxes than look inward. They’ll choose a partner who never challenges them emotionally, get married, have children, buy the house, post the pictures, live the glossy Instagram dream.

But behind closed doors? It’s often a quiet, empty, emotionally barren life. Roommates. Ships passing in the night. A perfectly curated surface layered over an unspoken hollowness.

They check every box except the one that truly matters: Emotional connection.

And ironically, while they’re building that picture-perfect life, you’re doing the work — the hard, painful, transformative work that they were too afraid to face.

Finding Your People — and Finding Your Power

Then something beautiful happens.

You start meeting others who’ve had eerily similar experiences. People who have also loved someone emotionally unavailable — and survived. People who did the work, grew, matured, healed.

And suddenly you look back at your old situation and… you laugh!

Not a cruel laugh — just a gentle, knowing chuckle. The kind that says: Wow. Look how far I’ve risen... and look how small they seem now ...

Because while you were rising, they stayed exactly where they were.

The Inevitable Moment of Realisation — But Not Yours

At some point, without you even witnessing it, they feel it. The emptiness. The ache. The quiet question that creeps into the mind at 3 AM:

Why am I still unhappy when I have everything I’m “supposed” to want? ”Why do I miss something I never even understood?

That’s the part no one tells you: You don’t stay the ghost who haunts them — the truth does.

You moved on. They stayed behind. Entrenched in avoidance, flat, hollow, STUCK.

And the irony? The anxious one — the one who suffered, grew, learned, healed — comes out stronger. The avoidant one ends up facing the very loneliness they've been running from.

The Moment You Truly Heal

You know you’ve healed when the thought of them makes you shrug — or even smile. When you can hear about their new life, their new partner, their new milestones, and feel absolutely nothing. Because you know the reality beneath the surface, and you know it's a complete charade.

You’ve done the work. You’ve earned your freedom. You’ve reclaimed your heart.

And now?

You’re living your actual best life — not the curated, BS version.

They Didn’t Break You — They Built You

The greatest favour your emotionally unavailable ex ever did for you was freaking out and leaving. Because their departure forced you into transformation. Into growth. Into healing. Into wisdom.

You became wiser, stronger, more self-aware, more emotionally intelligent. You became someone who can truly love — and truly be loved.

And they? They lost the one person who would have met them soul-to-soul.

That regret is theirs to carry now. You’ve handed it back. And doesn’t that feel incredible?

Celebrate This Version of You

Because you won: Your life back. Your peace. Your future. Your heart — healed, mature, wise.

You are the champion of your own story. You are fabulous.

And you are free.

TR