Profound change in mental illness recovery: immense healing and rediscovering one’s faith
Updated: Jan 28
I’ve hesitated again before publishing this post this morning because I have now gone so far ahead in documenting this important story that I really ought to wait for everyone else to catch up!
I need an agent, a publisher and a confessional memoir expert to help me now… I’m not sure how much more I can really do! Please hurry!
Anyway, here goes with today’s offering…
Coming back to life
There has been something unexpected and almost inexplicable going on through this process of recovery as I’ve quite literally stepped out of the darkness and into (at first only a flicker of admittedly) but now true light and contentment after a horrifying twenty-year battle with mental illness.
The realisation of everything I now know has come to me in a very slow and controlled way, and it's only really happened because I’ve given myself a lot of time to study my own mind, educated myself through extensive reading, and embraced the stripped-back existence (which I was once very upset by), but which I now treasure with immeasurable conviction.
So, I’ve decided that there is little point in me discussing the issues surrounding mental ‘health’ anymore – there are millions of ‘fluff post’ bloggers already doing that and they can do it far better than I can!
Mental ‘health’ as far as I’m concerned is what’s called ‘part of being human’ - it’s normal to feel sad, to grieve, to feel happy, to basically have emotions.
What’s NOT normal is when it becomes so far out of the normal range that it causes enormous disruption to one’s life in the form of mental illness and that’s where the stigma and misunderstanding lies - this is where my attention and focus will now be!
I seem to have surpassed everything that’s currently being discussed in the media regarding mental ‘health’ and I do think it would be very interesting to read back through whatever I’ve written on here this year and note the progression, because it could well be another book…
I think a perceptive reader would have noticed what was going on and I know it’s important, I just need the right person to pick up on this now (PR, agent, person with literary influence, etc, etc) to help me get this out to people in the right way….
[someone please help me here I’ve sent millions of emails and been rejected more times than most could possibly handle and I need way more than the trickle of interest that’s coming my way if I’m actually going to start saving lives!]
Anyway, this means that from now on, (apart from writing my way through my NLP course) I will be focusing my efforts on more pressing concerns; there will be no hints or evasions, (I am prepared to share everything I now understand), but I really need everyone to catch up!
After the horrors of what has happened to me over the last twenty years (for those that don’t know – brutal bipolar suicidal hell, much worsened by treatment and told by the profession that I was ‘beyond help’ before meeting thaumaturge psychiatrist - long, long story!) and having been so close to death on so many occasions, I have now developed an understanding and appreciation of life that had previously eluded me.
I think I’ve always had a faith (and I think a lot of other people do too) but society has confused us by the notion that it is somehow ‘not cool’ to go to church anymore and also by that wonderful one liner that gets slung about so impetuously which tells us that:
‘Religion is the cause of all wars!’ …
...without the consideration that maybe the lack of it could be having a negative impact on society as well?
I’m not ashamed to admit that I am a believer now.
People can make of that what they want - I would never force my opinions on anyone (or judge them for theirs) so I expect the same in return - but it’s only in recent weeks that I’ve realised how damaging society's restrictive beliefs have been to me personally – they've silenced me on issues that are important to my understanding and recovery.
The point is that prolonged and deep suffering can have a profound effect on people which is almost impossible to explain to those who are still floundering through life, oblivious to this deeper and more meaningful version of what it means to be alive.
For any atheists out there (I was one for a while, so I do relate!) - please take a deep breath before reading on…!
I have now rediscovered my belief in God, in the soul and in the afterlife - I always had a dormant belief in there, but then with depression I had completely lost faith in everything -
- This is ridiculously important for other people!
There’s a crucial message in this story (which I hadn’t even realised myself until now) which is that:
If you can survive long enough through the brutal pain and agony, reach remission through: correct and effective treatment, combined with a huge amount of self-analysis & discovery, recover, heal, reeducate yourself, reconnect with nature, the environment, the universe, and reconcile with the past, then your life will be so much better for it when you finally get to the other side of the suffering!
It will change you for the better – who would have thought that anything positive could have come out of such brutal and horrendous suffering? But… it has.
To aid my understanding in all of this I have resorted to my usual ‘go to’ of bibliotherapy and am reading a book about shamanism called ‘Calling Us Home’ by Chris Luttichau.
I recently told someone about this (who I stupidly assumed would be interested, or at least, not completely closed minded about it) and their response was:
“Oh you don’t want to get into that rubbish!”
No doubt this person’s beliefs are in fact, projections of someone else’s, so I’ve let this comment go, but for anyone else with a similar attitude – don’t be so narrow minded!
This has just reminded me of an Oscar Wilde quote which is important because so much of mental illness stems from the misguided beliefs and forthright opinions about what’s ‘right’ and what's ‘wrong’ in society!
“Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.” Oscar Wilde
I am therefore so relieved and pleased to have made my way through this process of healing and recovery almost completely alone (higher power excluded) because it’s meant that I have been able to form my own beliefs, opinions and conclusions to all of this without being influenced by anyone else!
This is important too – most of this ‘inner work’ is done by oneself…. I’m not trying to put therapists out of work but seriously – start reading guys because the information is already out there – you just need to know where to look!
I was going to go on this morning to talk about something called ‘radical acceptance’ which is something that is being used quite a bit to heal trauma in patients through the latest fashion in therapy called DBT (dialectical behaviour therapy).
I have now decided to save that for tomorrow so make sure you check back in because it isn’t just going to be aimed at patients – radical acceptance is needed by the whole of society (it’s the crux of all issues worldwide!) so this affects EVERYBODY!!
Thanks for reading,
Speak to you soon,