I have been busy over the last few days creating video content for YouTube as I explore a new avenue in this mission to get noticed, increase traction to my blog, and (please God) bag myself a literary agent and publisher!
I will not give up here.
I'm like a terrier with my teeth wedged into a towel, being dragged along the floor!
I will NOT let go!!
I've already survived the impossible with severe bipolar disorder so hanging on a bit longer and trying again isn't a new concept to me and I know that if you want to succeed at anything it's all about patience, resilience, determination and having a never-give-up attitude.
Funnily enough my great friend, fellow writer/author and school chum Charlie Inglefield was saying something along these lines yesterday. He basically said:
"Mate, you're doing the right thing. Stick with it because you have an important story that is worthy of representation. Be patient."
I was like:
"Charlie, you've read the book - I learnt patience when locked in psychiatric wards for months. I learnt patience when being stuck in bed with the curtains closed dying to stay alive with depression for years at a time. I learnt patience when waiting for years to be well enough to ride again. I learnt patience when every single interest in my own life and everyone else's was ruthlessly ripped away...."
You get the gist. I obviously signed up for a recurring lesson in patience in this lifetime and I'm just going to have to do it again!
I have to say though, getting a book published is way harder than getting round Badminton Horse Trials or wearing a British team flag....
Hey ho! On we go....
Going visual
So, the last few days of filming content for YouTube have been great fun but they've (of course) brought with them some challenges.
I'm not talking about the very difficult process of filming, editing, cutting, posting etc, either, I'm talking about what it's done to my highly sensitive bipolar brain...
The bloody thing has started buggering about again and here I am writing this post at 5.14 a.m this morning because it has decided that sleep is an impossibility when there is an opportunity for creativity and (shhhh don't mention this word..) excitement...
This is what happens to me whenever anything remotely out of the ordinary happens - my brain goes into a non-sleeping mode and I have to do everything I can to avoid disaster.
Sleep is always the first thing that goes awry in any episode (I believe for anyone, with any disorder) so I really must prioritise getting mine back on track without any delay!
The overly sensitive bipolar brain
The thing with bipolars is that our brains (and minds) are far more sensitive than even I realised.
This is something I touch on in the (soon to be published ((come ON agent))...) incredibly detailed self-help/memoir.
So, the fact is that it's important to not only cut out all stimulants and suppressants when considering your 'physical needs', but also to address all other parts of the 'holistic approach' as well.
This means that emotional, spiritual, and intellectual needs are going to need addressing too.
This is where everyone is falling down but where I am determined to succeed!
So, I now recognise that all sorts of other elements are having an effect on my highly sensitive mind and brain such as:
Astrological shifts
Weather patterns
The seasons
Daylight
Other people's emotions
Sensory input
Stress
Intellectual stimuli
Creative stimuli
To mention but a few...
How to avert disaster and soothe the savage breast?
The first thing to do is to assess the situation.
I have been sleeping so well for the last two months so what the hell can have changed?
Nothing has changed medically...
I am not taking anything different and have not ingested any caffeine, alcohol, or other poisons that could be having an effect on my sleep.
I have not changed my routine, been out with friends, stayed up late, been particularly stressed, or anything of the sort.
The only thing that has changed is that I am now being creative in a new direction with the YouTube videos!
This has meant that I'm waking up in the night thinking:
"I wonder if we can do an echo effect to emphasise that point? Did I say that sentence right? Maybe I should add an extra section. What colours should we use. Should I add music or not? Is it illustrated properly, etc, etc, etc..."
Shut up brain and switch off!!
This seems to be the only thing to have changed in the last few days so that must be the reason for my brain's reluctance to accept sleep...
Or is it?...
There is something else going on too (of course there is)!
I know some will scream 'pseudo science!' and 'woo-woo!' but the astrological shifts and patterns are important to mention here too.
I know this from studying patterns and episodes of my 'illness' which were in fact intertwined with astrology and the shifts in the universal realm.
Accept this or not - I don't really care - because I know it to be true and don't need anyone to confirm it!
Anyway, non-believers aside, this is why I didn't sleep on the eve of 22.02.22 and only for about (nearly) five hours last night.
There is a cosmically high vibration right now and a portal for creativity and change. My brain and mind are literally wired to it and the result is a complete ineptness for sleep!
Now that I know this happens, I don't panic and I DEFINITELY do NOT rush to a doctor to get a packet of poisonous sleeping pills or (worse still) ANTIPSYCHOTICS - NEVER again!!!
Ok... so, now that I know this, lets write a list of effective things that I can do to reclaim my sleep and avoid a bipolar disaster.
1. Get out of thinking mind by spending loads of time in nature
2. Ground myself
3. Drink loads of water
4. Eat root vegetables and cut out sugar, caffeine plus all stimulants as usual
5. Bath, candles, meditation before bed
6. More exercise, more fresh air
7. Lavender tea, lavender pillow spray, inhale lavender!
8. Get up if struggling to sleep, go to the loo, read book.
9. Chill the f&*k out
10. Breathing exercises
11. Lie perfectly still for 15 minutes to see if brain will sleep again
12. Nap whenever I feel that the brain might accept sleep (retrain it!)
13. Don't worry about it at all!
14. Prioritise brain and cut out all non-essential tasks
15. Step away from creativity to calm the over-thinking bipolar mind!
Ok, I feel better for writing that down too...
As usual, writing is the best thing I do for my mental health!
Let's hope I sleep better for the rest of this week!
Thanks for reading,
Speak to you soon,
TR