Love Means Different Things to Different Attachment Styles

The anxious heart and the dismissive avoidant heart could not be more different in how they define love.

The anxious person loves with their whole being—open, vulnerable, and all in. For them, love is deep connection, presence, and emotional intimacy.

For the dismissive avoidant, love often gets reduced to security, safety, and predictability. It’s not about depth or closeness, but about stability and control—love as a roommate-style partnership rather than a living, breathing intimacy.

The problem? That isn’t love. And eventually, that “safe” but stagnant love suffocates under its own weight, because love cannot survive without real connection.

For the anxious, the path to healing isn’t chasing after avoidant partners who can’t meet them emotionally. That only gaslights their own needs, magnifies their wounds, and keeps them trapped in a cycle of abandonment fear.

There is nothing wrong with being anxiously attached.

Your love is not too much. 

The work is simply to recognise red flags early: the ghosters, the breadcrumbers, the ones who brush you off or freak out at closeness. These behaviours will only intensify your pain and fears.

Your healing comes from two paths:

✨ Staying single while you strengthen and honour your heart.

✨ Or choosing a partner who can actually receive and reciprocate the love you give.

Either way—you win. You protect your heart. You learn that your love is powerful, valuable, and worth being received.

And in the end? The avoidant who refuses to open up, who treats love like a contract instead of a connection—they’re the ones who truly lose.

TR