From Bipolar to Breakthrough: How I Found Healing Through Self-Discovery

For a long time, I lived under the label of bipolar disorder. But the real story of my emotional struggles goes much deeper than a diagnosis.

My journey to understanding myself began with acknowledging that what I was experiencing wasn’t simply a chemical imbalance — it was the result of deep-rooted emotional patterns formed in childhood.

The Origins: Anxious Attachment and Emotional Neglect

From a young age, I developed an anxious attachment style — a way of relating shaped by emotional neglect and the overwhelming feeling of being unsafe. Boarding school only worsened this sense of insecurity. I learned to survive by clinging, questioning my worth, and fearing abandonment.

Medications That Made It Worse

Later in life, antidepressants were prescribed. Instead of helping, they sent me spiralling — amplifying the emotional highs and lows that eventually led to my diagnosis.

These medications impacted my brain chemistry for years. It wasn’t until I stopped them entirely and began to stabilise naturally that I started to see the truth: I wasn't "broken"; I was deeply wounded.

The Relationships That Nearly Broke Me

Two romantic relationships brought me to my knees. One was with a narcissist — painful, yes — but the second, with a dismissive avoidant partner, was far harder to recover from.

Our emotional connection triggered each other’s unhealed wounds. He pulled away when I got close, then breadcrumbed just enough to keep me tethered. This push-pull dynamic sent my nervous system into chaos and, in hindsight, accounted for most of my mood swings over the past decade.

A Pattern Among the Diagnosed

Through extensive reading and reflection — and even considering a memoir of my own one day — I’ve noticed patterns among people diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Many of us are:

• Emotionally intelligent

• Deeply sensitive and empathic

• High-achieving

• Drawn to emotionally unavailable partners

  
  

Our deep emotional availability often exposes the wounds in others. When we try to connect openly and vulnerably, it can cause those who are avoidant or emotionally shut down to retreat or lash out — making us feel as if we're the problem.

The Turning Point: Understanding It Wasn’t Me

Healing truly began when I recognised that many of the people I was surrounded by — in romance, friendships, and even family — were unhealed themselves.

I had been gaslit into believing I was too much, too emotional, too confrontational and demanding. But the truth was: they were emotionally unavailable, and I was simply seeking connection.

Letting go of the belief that I was inherently unstable or broken was liberating.

Healing: The Hardest and Most Beautiful Work

It’s taken everything to get here — years of therapy, shake-release work, healing from pharmaceutical damage, and slowly unpicking the past with the help of a compassionate psychotherapist. I’ve learned to draw strong boundaries, to spot red flags early, and to choose peace over chaos.

I’ve also learned to forgive. Not because those who hurt me deserve it — but because I now understand that they are suffering, too. Many avoid their own emotional pain by burying themselves in work, 'safe' relationships with partners they don't really, deeply love, material comforts, or constant distractions. Whether or not they ever choose to heal is no longer my concern.

Reclaiming My Identity

In all this, I’ve found something precious: myself. I’ve stopped over-intellectualising suffering through philosophy and religion. I’ve stopped apologising for who I am. I’ve discovered what it means to be whole, not in spite of my pain, but because of how I chose to grow through it.

Now, I step into the next chapter of my life with clarity, strength, and self-compassion. I have a new home, new friendships, new opportunities — and most importantly, a vast and hopeful horizon ahead.

To anyone who’s ever been told they are “too much,” “too emotional,” or “mentally ill” when really they were just surrounded by emotionally unavailable people — you are not broken. Your healing is possible. And you are not alone.

TR