Improved sleep and a new direction, but a few other worries to contend with as usual!
Updated: Jan 28
Today's post is not going to be anything like my usual entries because I felt really ill last night and have decided to just add a 'freehand' post this morning instead.
I went out with my family last night, to meet my cousin and her two children, and for some reason I felt really car sick on the way there and again on the way back. I have no idea why because I've never been travel sick in my whole life!
Anyway, by the time I got home I had a blinding headache, so I went straight to bed and slept ok but am not really in the mood for an involved post about anything really, so that's why I'm just adding this today!
Quetiapine and the ongoing saga
Things seem to be (dare I say it) getting easier on the quetiapine withdrawal front.... it's been about six months now since I started trying to extricate myself from it again, and I am definitely winning the battle.
I have had so many messages relating to this subject and have realised that this is definitely an area to focus on in the future.
I am actually amazed at the number of other people who are having difficulties (especially withdrawal ones) with the psychiatric medications. I really thought I'd have been attacked for being too controversial over all of this but (as yet anyway), I've only had positive feedback so that's good.
But I do appreciate that not everyone is the same and that other opinions may differ, so am very mindful of that and do try to strike the right balance in this very contentious area.
Anyway, I'm not going to get into all of that now but for those who want more info - watch this space because there's another post on quetiapine coming later this week when I feel a bit stronger!
A few worries to contend with
I'm coming up to my three month review with my private doctor and am once again wincing because I'm going to have to find the money to pay for yet another expensive appointment.
I'm having trouble trying to justify spending hundreds more pounds when I am fully well and experiencing no issues, just to get a repeat prescription for a drug that I have been in remission on, for two years, at the same dose, with NO side effects.
Why don't I get the NHS to issue me a repeat you may ask? Well, they are refusing to issue it...(see Mental Health Week letter).
This is all very perturbing not least of all because some of the people I support through my doctor ARE getting their repeat prescriptions through the NHS.
Again, it would seem that the profession of psychiatry cannot agree on anything at all, yet who suffers this in all of this? Yes you've guessed it - the poor patient!
As if I haven't been through enough trauma, disasters, failures, cock-ups, losses, upset, suffering, stigma, shame, blah, blah, blah - here I am fighting the system once again! FFS quite frankly.
I'm annoyed because I would so love to never have to go to anyone else except my private doctor ever again, but I can't do this without crippling myself financially which (I do know money isn't everything), makes life so much harder.
For future patients this has all got to be sorted out because there's an enormous pressure to get well when you go privately as the fees are so astronomical. This doesn't help your recovery in any way, and then you're supposed to go back to your old life and carry on? What life? Any remnants of that after twenty years of hell are well and truly obliterated!
There's no way I can return to my former eventing career, and I lost my degree when they poisoned me with the ketamine infusions...... Carving out a new career in journalism now isn't easy either, especially when you have a twenty year gaping hole on your CV!
I'm still not fully out of the woods either... yes I'm better but I'm still experiencing issues from quetiapine and my confidence isn't quite what it once was (especially when my progress gets thwarted by others), so it's not easy. It's not easy at all!
So, I really need the NHS to help me here! Or actually any doctor! I need a repeat prescription for a drug that keeps me well and causes me no side effects without having to pay astronomical costs..... you wouldn't think that would be too much of an ask would you?
But it would appear that it is...
This has got to be sorted out for other patients!
Back to studying (again!)
So, with all of this strife going on, I have decided that while I wait for an astonished world to catch on to what I'm doing with my writing, I'm going to have to qualify in something else so that I can actually earn some much needed money!
Riding a few point to pointers (although a miracle that I am well enough to do it), doesn't rake in enough for private medical bills (I have to ride over 40 horses to pay for one appointment!)
So, I have now signed up for a twelve week course in something called NLP or 'neurolinguistic programming' - another reason why I need the money that I'm paying my doctor - to pay for the fricking course!
It's a topic that I'm fascinated in anyway, so I want to do it for my own benefit, and then when I've qualified I will be able to practice as an NLP practitioner, with tonnes of lived experience, psychology training, and massive amounts of knowledge of the field of psychiatry!
I'm not thrilled to have to be 'starting again' (I have already done this multiple times) but this will be a culmination of everything I've learnt and experienced in my 42 year nightmare rollercoaster, and then I really will be able to help people...
I will be writing about NLP as I go through the course so look out for that in my September posts!
Let's hope this plan works out!
Thanks for reading,
Speak to you soon,