I've been soul searching constantly in recent weeks and I suppose I need to document this incase anyone else makes it out of severe "treatment resistant" bipolar disorder and reconciles with years of failed medications, sectionings, worsening of condition by misdiagnosis and irresponsible prescribing, and manages to somehow find the strength to go against the medical profession and successfully withdraw from all psych meds enduring years of excruciating pain (massively unlikely but just in case...)
You will get to the point of forgiveness which isn't easy. But you will also get to the point where people around you are recognising a person from twenty years ago who turned into a fluctuating nightmare while being subjected to antidepressant chemical fluctuations which were impacting every area of their lives.
I now see that antidepressants in particular cost me my career, several friendships, and the only romantic relationship that ever meant anything to me. I was on a constant rollercoaster BECAUSE of the antidepressants that were affecting my mood in the most violent of ways.
How does one reconcile with such losses which were directly resulting from misdiagnosis and irresponsible prescribing?
This whole thing has cost me so much. But I am alive and where there is life there is hope.
I suppose I wish I could explain to people from my past that my erratic behaviour was as a result of the medications purporting to help me but I cannot because those people I feel an urge to explain to have written me off as crazy.
All of this is very perturbing and very hard to reconcile with.
It is something that only the ones who free themselves from psychiatric drug harm will come to realise and it is the last part of the process of healing - and the hardest.
How does one forgive when so much has been lost to the pernicious effects of psychiatric drugs?
I have been reading a book called philosophy and faith. Perhaps there are answers in religion? There are certainly important parts to Christianity that have been overlooked - forgiveness of sins etc... but if only those who were closest to me could understand the harm I was subjected to and forgive mine...