Are relationships with others the root cause of every mental illness?
Updated: Jan 28
I have now almost fulfilled my promise of writing on this new blog for a whole year.
I decided to commit to this back in January when I made a pact with myself that I would do everything in my power to get published and help others to also survive and recover from bipolar disorder.
Writing 200 detailed blog posts, submitting sample chapters, synopses, query letters, 50 page book proposal (which took months to craft) and emailing and networking constantly, has still not bagged me either an agent or publisher!
My God it is such a tough industry to break into...
But! I do now have several influential people on the case so am ever hopeful that it can still happen!
The other thing is that I will never give up, so it pretty much has to happen at some point because I know how important this all is for others and I am immensely passionate about it too.
I will not let go!
I am going to write a detailed blog about the publishing process when I finally succeed, but for now I'm just going to be adding my final posts of the year as and when I see fit.
So, now for a few thoughts on today's mind twisting phenomenon - relationships!
The question being:
Are they a root cause for every mental illness?
Relationships, fall-out, stress & trauma
Although writing my book has been (in the most part) a cathartic experience, for it to hold any kind of 'gravitas' I have had to go deep tissue and attempt to analyse why it was that I suffered so brutally at the hands of severe bipolar.
It is very difficult for the person entrenched in illness to understand why it all happens because it is so HORRENDOUS that there's no way that heartbreak or general upset can account for the brutal suffering that some of us endure - the feelings and thoughts are just so far outside the normal or appropriate reaction.
But, and this is the point.... not everyone reacts in the same way.
Two people go through the same trauma, one goes mad, the other one carries on with life seemingly unscathed.
Anyway, I have NOT been going through life unscathed sadly! And the reason for this is repeated mental illness triggered by hurtful relationships....
Moral of the story?
Prioritising mental WELLNESS above everything!
I'm not quite saying no to all relationships but after analysing my own past and then bearing witness to pretty much everyone else's mental illness HORROR story, I can tell you that there is one common theme...
Problems in relationships with others!
Now, once again, everyone is different and once again there's a case of the chicken and the egg because which comes first?
Does the illness come in and destroy the relationships, or do the relationships create the initial fracture which allows the illness to pour in?
Which is why
A. It's bloody hard for the sufferer to understand any of this when they're entrenched in suffering and fall-out
B. It's impossible for them to do anything about it - they are simply TOO ILL by this point to reason, work through or process the emotion.
It's kind of a lose lose for the sufferer who gets so caught up in the #shitstorm that they end up with no available option but the unthinkable...
If relationships are my root cause then what do I do going forward?
It's important to note that I'm not just talking about romantic relationships in this post (although they are often the ones that have the potential to knock us off our perches so spectacularly), I am talking about all relationships with others.
The moral of the story is that EVERYONE needs to take more responsibility when it comes to relationships with others as you never know how your actions are affecting the other person.
'You hurt me'
That is what anger is.
Let's please try NOT to hurt each other....
Hmmm... I do admit this is not easy!
What have I decided to do?
Since I will do ANYTHING to avoid another #shitshow of bipolar disorder ever returning, I prioritise stability and wellness above EVERYTHING else, including relationships!!
This means that there is a very high chance that I will never risk having another romantic relationship ever again - please don't feel sad for me! I am very happy with the decision believe me!
I do still agree that a good and stable relationship is better than none at all, but in this Tinder, Grindr, Bumble, (whatever else app related dating and relationship confusion of the 21st century JUNGLE) is going on, I just can't see that it's going to be possible! HA!!
I am so happy with stability, fresh air, stable and loyal friendships, simplicities like bed, sleep, shower and food that I honestly don't need anything else.
My priorities have changed and I don't need to derive self-worth, happiness, confidence, love or self-esteem through anyone or anything else - it is all coming from within.
I watched this interesting video by Jamie Smart (great name very jealous) recently, which really made me think...
Let me know what you make of it!
Because I'm now terrified that I'm going to get a million messages saying 'Tom! please don't give up on love!' I want to add something else...
The most important relationship you can ever have is the one that you have with yourself.
I'm going there again because this is important:
The most important relationship you will ever have is the one that you have with yourself
I am currently the happiest I HAVE EVER BEEN! - I have the least money, I have no car, I am living with my parents, I have no 'relationship', I am trying to carve a new path, I have nothing really BUT!!!! I HAVE EVERYTHING!
Because I have my health.
All you need guys is a bed, something to eat, nature, health, and a connection to something deeper than yourself.
If you have that - you're absolutely fine!
Thanks for reading,
Speak to you soon,