I haven't written on here for ages. I've been busy writing a novel all year but am pleased to say that it is now finally finished and edited. It took absolutely everything I had to write it because I had to do it in between crippling bouts of tiredness.
No one really understands this (luckily illness has made me my most ardent supporter) so I do what I know is right to stay well. This means I've had to do things my own way - I'm completely convinced by the choices I make now so don't need anyone to tell me otherwise!
The reason I still suffer with tiredness and headaches is because of the damage from antipsychotics and that disastrous Ketamine fiasco which nearly killed me. I hope eventually my brain will heal but I still think I'm suffering the aftereffects.
Anyway, by some miracle I am still able to write and I am really hopeful for my latest work which has gone off together with my synopsis to a range of literary agents. Fingers crossed!!
I think I've realised that it is time to move on from mental health/illness. There comes a point in your recovery where you just don't want or need to talk about it anymore.
I will never take a psychiatric drug or see a psychiatrist ever again. I realise now that the system purporting to help me was the biggest predictor of mental illness there is. (That and a host of toxic relationships and disappointments).
I'm one of the lucky ones to have escaped and healed myself so I'm counting my blessings. I've said it before on here but I really did it by educating myself and understanding myself better.
Essentially, anyone with anything important to say probably wrote it down so you have to read everything you can in order to meet your emotional, spiritual and intellectual needs. If you do that then freedom is possible. It's all about learning, traversing pain, understanding the lessons gained through suffering and becoming your biggest champion. It's about learning to like yourself and then LOVE yourself. When you get to this point you don't need any crutches to hold you up. It's true freedom.
Anyway, now I've finished my novel I'm missing writing so thought I'd post something here. Life is good, I'm hopeful!
The picture is me riding my friend's horse 'Percy'. I'd so love to have the money to buy a lovely horse like him to just enjoy riding again. I can't believe I just wrote that having not gone near horses for decades, but it's true - I still love it! Who knew!
I will keep you posted on the book. Pray for me!!!!