So, I am here... finally. And it was the root cause of my suffering.
This is almost impossible to explain, so all I am going to say is that Kierkegaard and Nietzsche have already done it, so if you would like to know how to get to the 'leap of faith' through the intellect then you need to read Kierkegaard and understand him implicitly.
I think I will completely rewrite my memoir Dying to Stay Alive at a later date. I didn't realise that to free myself entirely from bipolar disorder would require reading a tonne of philosophy!
If you want to understand how to get through life as an atheist then you need to read Nietzsche.
It is possible to get through life in a decent manner using both methods - but the God one is better! Sorry Nietzsche but it is.
I have understood all of this through deep deep suffering.
I walked, I sat in solitude in brutal pain for years and years. I read, I challenged. I challenged the moral constructs of society again and again and again. I read again. I went back to solitude. I suffered. I walked by the river. I cried. I thought again. I read again. I challenged.
In short, and this is probably impossible to explain, but I said YES to suffer all, I said YES to do all for the Good and only the Good. Nietzsche and a 'happy' atheist have also said YES - to LIFE and all it's sufferings. They blame no one. They just shrug their shoulders and carry on.
The ones most vulnerable to suicide do not know whether to blame God for their sufferings or not so they continue to be trapped in suffering. You have to say YES to suffering, you have to say YES to willing the Good in TRUTH. It is Purity of Heart and it is to will one thing.
Love and God are the same thing. (Almost the same thing). Neither can be seen - but are you going to not believe in love because you cannot see it? Why would you not believe in God because you cannot see Him either?
I am so grateful for my suffering. It taught me so much. I am so grateful and accepting of myself that I worked so so so hard to get here. It means 'dying' in the world first.
I will not be writing about mental health from now on... I have done much writing on here from purity of heart already. To will the Good in truth is not to seek reward, praise or avoid punishment. It is simply to will one thing.
I know few will understand. I do not know if you can teach this. Nietzsche and Kierkegaard for me are the only two that do understand. Sadly I never met a psychiatrist who A. told me to read or B. knew anything about philosophy. Oh Dear!
Read, read, think, think, challenge, challenge, break from society, pills, anger, do not try to avoid suffering, say YES, do not avoid discomfort. It is worth every bit of pain.
Right, now back to my equestrian romance novel edit! Onwards and upwards and all that!
TR
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